by Douglas McCord, Co-Director

New Year's resolutions can be helpful, valuable, even empowering. Frequently, however, we find that our New Year's resolutions last as long as our New Year's Eve noisemakers, and end up "on the floor" or "in the trash."

If adopted genuinely, what can be far more persistent in evoking change are new INTENTIONS. Our intentions are part of our fundamental mental and psychological makeup, and are the "driving force" behind our behaviors. Although we usually associate our ACTIONS with the results we get, it is often the intentions with which we act that are more predictive of our ultimate results.

"Intentionally"

So how do we formulate our intentions? One possible strategy is to start with a behavioral theory, and the approach suggested here is based upon a theory presented by Rudolf Driekurs, based on the work on Alfred Adler. Driekurs suggests that there are four true goals which, when achieved, lead to satisfaction and fulfillment. These four true goals are offered here as suggestions for INTENTIONS to be adopted for the New Year:

1. To love and be loved
This is not focused on romantic love, but more particularly refers to unconditional love, which Ken Keyes defines as a state of emotional acceptance of another. The emphasis here is on GIVING OUT love and then remaining open to love coming, in whatever way it is offered.

2. To be powerful in a cooperative way
This intention is NOT about overpowering or controlling others. It is about realizing your power by empowering others. Similar to the first intention, it is based on the notion that by GIVING OUT something to others (in this instance power), you will get that same thing back, if you remain open to it flowing out of and into you.

3. To be valuable
How do we keep this intention from becoming codependency? A codependent intention can be expressed as, "I have to be valuable to others to feel okay or whole." In contrast, the idea behind this intention would be, "I don't NEED to be valuable; as a human being, I am inherently valuable, and my value can be offered as a GIFT that enhances both my life and that of those I share it with."

4. To belong
You can get a sense of "belonging" from family, friends, or an organization. But simply being a member of a group may not bring a sense of belonging, nor is this intention about trying to "fit in." It is by CONTRIBUTING to the group that this intention is fulfilled. Keep in mind that your contribution can simply be your presence, your energy (in the spiritual sense), your intention for the group, or your positive state of mind.

"Common Threads"

Did you notice the common threads in each of these intentions? In each case, the mistaken version of the intention – romantic love, power-over, codependency, and "fitting in" – involves TAKING your love, power, and value from your interaction with someone else. And in each case, the true intention is fulfilled when you believe that your love, power, and value are inherent within you and available to be GIVEN. What may not be obvious is that if you offer these gifts merely to get something in return, your results may not be as fulfilling as if you offer your gifts with no expectations. After all, if you believe you can only be happy if you get exactly the result you expect, you have many chances to be disappointed. However, while you may continue to prefer one result, if you allow yourself to be open to any result, you have the opportunity to enjoy a variety of experiences. And oddly enough, by letting go of expectations, you may find you increase your chances of achieving your preferred result!

If you find yourself wondering if you're on the right track, look at your feelings. If your actions result in feelings of peace, calm, contentment, and fulfillment, you're probably achieving these four true intentions here.

Happy intentions, and happy New Year!

• About Us
• Event Calendar
• Current Workshop
• Monthly Meeting
• Resources